March 11th

Being a senior, I’ve obviously toyed with the idea of getting a job after college. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely got a spot waiting for me behind the cash register at Market Basket, but I’ve also given some thought to a career change. I have therefore submitted resumes to several employers.

Wouldn’t it be nice if guys did that? If you could look at a guy’s sexual and relationship resume before getting involved or maybe even talking to him?

How nice would it be if you knew that the hot guy at the bar who makes you blush and is currently buying you a shot is also a closet cocaine addict? For once in our lives we would be put in the driver’s seat. We’d call the shots, we’d choose.

And I’m not saying guys should be the only ones submitting their resumes either. There are plenty of girls I know of who have a little too much to fill in under the ‘experience’ section of their resumes. 

How different life would be if we could legitimately judge a person before knowing them. Every bar or club experience would be the equivalent of a job fair. Every phone number obtained would be like a phone interview; you haven’t gotten the job yet but you’re definitely one step closer!

I believe Van Wilder had it right when he told Gwen, “First dates are interviews.”
What we are missing in this first-date experience is clearly the resume. Think of how many pointless questions you wouldn’t have to ask: Where do you work? How long have you worked there? How many people have you slept with?

With a resume in my hand, I could weed out the guys who just aren’t going to work with me. And, on the opposite spectrum, guys could weed out my resume if they felt the same.
It would also help people like my friend, who sees a person matching the description of guys she’s attracted to and automatically assumes he’s a good person worthy of pursuit.
Things like “emotionally abusive,” “short- tempered” and “afraid of commitment,” written under the ‘related skills’ section of course, might be helpful tools for people like her when selecting a lover.

Then again, she’d probably still throw caution to the wind and take a chance on the guy with the world’s worst resume if he fit her physical qualifications.

Why do we do that? Why do we reject the person who is right for us on paper for the person who is right for us in bed?

In my experience, that gets you no where.

Companies who are hiring don’t get to see you before the initial interview. The hiring manager looks at the resume and, based on what’s on it, decides if you’re a match for the company.

Wouldn’t using this method of hiring work in the dating world? Step one: look at a resume. Step two: phone interview. Step three: first date, which, as Van Wilder tells us, is a face-to-face interview anyway. By then you would have a decent idea of who you’re out on a date with.

Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom; happy couple.

Why wouldn’t this work for our culture? Because we are all like my friend in some aspect. We all judge based on physical appearance before we judge on anything else.

The person who could make me happy for the rest of my life might be the last person on Earth I could be attracted to. And I therefore wouldn’t give him a second glance. The guy who I’m perfect for may think glasses and ribbons in my hair are for nerds.

We’re killing our chances at happiness because we are unable to see the inner beauty in people.

How sad.

Lauren Danie can be contacted at ldanie@keeneequinox.com.