2008 Woodie Awards
Dear freshmen, take my advice....
Staff Commentary
Larry Brown
Issue date: 9/6/07 Section: Opinions
Dear freshmen,
If only I had known then what I know now.
Four years ago, when I came to college, I could have used a good lovable screw up like myself to take me on his knee.
It would have been nice to know, for instance, that getting caught underage for internal possession costs over $300 in fines and court fees and a little more than a cool $100 when you finally get your license back after a 90 day revocation.
Surprisingly, this is a little known fact, but it happened to me. I was nabbed almost two years ago this fall for walking, yes walking, down Winchester Street.
I eventually lost my license, my tax return and my Saab in a flood. I still miss her.
But this isn't a Saab story, just a warning. Don't drink underage under any circumstances.
If you choose to, for some wacky reason, and believe that being over 18 and eligible to kill other humans for your government should entitle you to make your own decisions, then don't get caught.
Chew that over and chew on these delicious tidbits:
You can eat anything at the DC with a fork except for cereal and soup but the soup is never worth it. I haven't come across one form of meat that isn't easily separated into mouth-sized portions with a sturdy fork and a little elbow grease. Spare the knives, spoil the fork and save the dishwashers some time.
The bells you hear every hour coming from the Mason library aren't real. They're just speakers. Speaking of the library, the pretty standard universal, or so I thought, rules of library etiquette, most specifically to be quiet, don't seem to apply at the front desk.
If you go out for class or crashing, bring a backpack. They're good for carrying books and other things.
If you're asked if it can be searched, always, always, always say no and if it's a police officer, never resist. A mugger or rapist on the other hand, I believe you have full authority to beat the excrement out of.
Use common sense. In every situation always listen to what an authority tells you. Think hard about it but realize that in the end, it's almost always better to acquiesce. Use your words and your head and always stick up for yourself and your rights.
By the way, if you refuse to comply with a college official it's an official write up.
You have a right to ask dumb questions in and out of class and in the real world.
Make friends, but if you can't, there are plenty of people out there who can't make friends either.
Your RA or campus cop will usually be your friend until you do something wrong (that whole in loco parentis thing).
For instance, if they think you're too noisy, even in the absence of complaint, it's an official write up.
If you get caught playing drinking games, (that includes beer pong or Beirut, whatever they call it where you're from, card games and anything resembling "abuse of alcohol", including the use of beer bongs and/or beer hats or beer shoes) those will all be official write ups.
Getting written up too many times will place you in bad standing with the college. I'm not sure exactly what that means but it can't be good, right?
The best part is that even if just one of your roommates commits any one of those offenses, your whole room gets punished, even if you aren't in the same state, the same room or asleep upstairs.
Do get along with your roommate. It will be a long year if you don't.
Read everything the professor assigns. I've been doing it for the last four years and, despite an affinity for accumulations of fermented grains in my abdominal cavity, I still have a 3.2 G.P.A.
Cheap beer is cheaper but good beer is gooder. Enough said.
Do get Flex. The DC will get old if it hasn't already.
Do get a mini-fridge so you can keep your milk cold when you can't drag yourself to the DC early enough to consume anything slightly resembling a meal for humans. And try to get to the DC at peak hours when the lines are long and the tables short, otherwise you probably won't find any actual food.
Rumor has it they put laxatives in the food. I don't know if it's true, but I do know my normal bowel movements. I've lived with them my whole life.
There were, of course, a few natural set-backs in the very beginning that have worked themselves out now.
On a lighter note, the Putnam Arts Lecture Hall on campus next to the Brickyard Pond screens popular, international, and independent films all year for $3 a pop with a student I.D.
They have an amazing Dolby Digital Sound system and plenty of stadium seating and host movies that aren't yet out on DVD but not in theatres anymore.
And they have good taste. So go see a movie.
You can also go bowling, race go-karts, crunch balls at the driving range or see a live show at the Colonial Theatre all within a few miles and reasonably within a college student's budgetary constraints.
Or you can hike the beautiful Mount Monadnock for free. Well actually they charge you $3 for parking in the summer but it's put towards a good cause. You can pretend you didn't pay for it if it helps. And if you don't know where it is, just look around. It's the only mountain for miles, follow it.
Finally, it will be okay. These will be some of the best four years of your life. So relax. Have some fun. You'll make it. Look at me.
Larry Brown is a senior majoring in journalism. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the Equinox.
If only I had known then what I know now.
Four years ago, when I came to college, I could have used a good lovable screw up like myself to take me on his knee.
It would have been nice to know, for instance, that getting caught underage for internal possession costs over $300 in fines and court fees and a little more than a cool $100 when you finally get your license back after a 90 day revocation.
Surprisingly, this is a little known fact, but it happened to me. I was nabbed almost two years ago this fall for walking, yes walking, down Winchester Street.
I eventually lost my license, my tax return and my Saab in a flood. I still miss her.
But this isn't a Saab story, just a warning. Don't drink underage under any circumstances.
If you choose to, for some wacky reason, and believe that being over 18 and eligible to kill other humans for your government should entitle you to make your own decisions, then don't get caught.
Chew that over and chew on these delicious tidbits:
You can eat anything at the DC with a fork except for cereal and soup but the soup is never worth it. I haven't come across one form of meat that isn't easily separated into mouth-sized portions with a sturdy fork and a little elbow grease. Spare the knives, spoil the fork and save the dishwashers some time.
The bells you hear every hour coming from the Mason library aren't real. They're just speakers. Speaking of the library, the pretty standard universal, or so I thought, rules of library etiquette, most specifically to be quiet, don't seem to apply at the front desk.
If you go out for class or crashing, bring a backpack. They're good for carrying books and other things.
If you're asked if it can be searched, always, always, always say no and if it's a police officer, never resist. A mugger or rapist on the other hand, I believe you have full authority to beat the excrement out of.
Use common sense. In every situation always listen to what an authority tells you. Think hard about it but realize that in the end, it's almost always better to acquiesce. Use your words and your head and always stick up for yourself and your rights.
By the way, if you refuse to comply with a college official it's an official write up.
You have a right to ask dumb questions in and out of class and in the real world.
Make friends, but if you can't, there are plenty of people out there who can't make friends either.
Your RA or campus cop will usually be your friend until you do something wrong (that whole in loco parentis thing).
For instance, if they think you're too noisy, even in the absence of complaint, it's an official write up.
If you get caught playing drinking games, (that includes beer pong or Beirut, whatever they call it where you're from, card games and anything resembling "abuse of alcohol", including the use of beer bongs and/or beer hats or beer shoes) those will all be official write ups.
Getting written up too many times will place you in bad standing with the college. I'm not sure exactly what that means but it can't be good, right?
The best part is that even if just one of your roommates commits any one of those offenses, your whole room gets punished, even if you aren't in the same state, the same room or asleep upstairs.
Do get along with your roommate. It will be a long year if you don't.
Read everything the professor assigns. I've been doing it for the last four years and, despite an affinity for accumulations of fermented grains in my abdominal cavity, I still have a 3.2 G.P.A.
Cheap beer is cheaper but good beer is gooder. Enough said.
Do get Flex. The DC will get old if it hasn't already.
Do get a mini-fridge so you can keep your milk cold when you can't drag yourself to the DC early enough to consume anything slightly resembling a meal for humans. And try to get to the DC at peak hours when the lines are long and the tables short, otherwise you probably won't find any actual food.
Rumor has it they put laxatives in the food. I don't know if it's true, but I do know my normal bowel movements. I've lived with them my whole life.
There were, of course, a few natural set-backs in the very beginning that have worked themselves out now.
On a lighter note, the Putnam Arts Lecture Hall on campus next to the Brickyard Pond screens popular, international, and independent films all year for $3 a pop with a student I.D.
They have an amazing Dolby Digital Sound system and plenty of stadium seating and host movies that aren't yet out on DVD but not in theatres anymore.
And they have good taste. So go see a movie.
You can also go bowling, race go-karts, crunch balls at the driving range or see a live show at the Colonial Theatre all within a few miles and reasonably within a college student's budgetary constraints.
Or you can hike the beautiful Mount Monadnock for free. Well actually they charge you $3 for parking in the summer but it's put towards a good cause. You can pretend you didn't pay for it if it helps. And if you don't know where it is, just look around. It's the only mountain for miles, follow it.
Finally, it will be okay. These will be some of the best four years of your life. So relax. Have some fun. You'll make it. Look at me.
Larry Brown is a senior majoring in journalism. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the Equinox.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
cbrown
posted 9/05/07 @ 8:54 PM EST
I LOVE your column! I wish I had it when I was a freshman. Frankly, I could have used most of that advice in the beginning, but three years later, I'm still standing. (Continued…)
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